A person is said to be co-dependent if he or she is wholesomely dependent on his/her partner, constantly seeking validation in every aspect of life, and feels guilty whenever their wants or desire does not please the partner.
How to identify a co-dependent person or if you are co-dependent in nature is by the feeling of worthlessness. Many reasons a co-dependent never feels enough, this may be from the expectation given by the parents when he/she was a child. An expectation to meet a standard that is said to be perfect, but once it is not met by the standards of the partner or parents, it creates the impression that he/she is nothing without their achievements.
Another example is the feeling of Indecisiveness. There is never a decision made without the consent or consultation of the partner, this is as bad as it sounds because to a very great extent the co-dependent hides their true feelings, suggestions, and opinion about something to be done. Hence, this is most likely linked to the childhood of this person, not being confident in making the right decision or even accepting the consequence of the wrong ones without shame or constant criticism from parents and on the other hand the person in question feeling guilty of not making the right decision.
A.V.D This is known as “ Avoidant Personality Disorder”, this is predominant in one who is co-dependent, there is this fear of abandonment. Due to this strapping fear that the partner is going to leave, therefore he/she will do anything to the detriment of their well-being to keep the relationship floating whether toxic or not and the enabler enjoys this leverage. This can also be a diagnosis from a different psychological illness so it can’t confirm if a person is co-dependent, therefore one is to be checked clinically and diagnosed with co-dependency, because of the psychological or mental stress co-dependency causes.
WHAT CAN BE DONE
Firstly, know that this situation can be changed just as it was learned. It won’t be so easy, trying a new pathway toward life. But these can help be involved in a group or individual therapy session. Knowing its source and allowing it re-live also understanding the pattern that was followed ( this can be constant emotional blackmail or insults, then with time you grow numb to anything related to emotion). Accepting that whatever image of yourself you are seeing is false. Separating oneself from the co-dependent relationship, finding a partner that can keep your mind off the destructive pattern.
There is nothing wrong with taking a break from your partner. It is healthy to have friendships outside of your partnership. Going out with friends brings us back to our center, reminding us of who we really are. Ensure you establish boundaries, those who struggle with codependency often have trouble with boundaries. We do not know where our needs begin or where the others end. We often thrive off guilt and feel bad when we do not put the other first.