Kathy Bike
Kathy stole my bike. No. Actually, I did. Let me explain. Actually, we both did. For years, I've talked about what she did. But I didn't have the balls to explain what I did. Let me try to unpack some of that right now for you.
By the way, the following has key dates to the timeline, meaning sequences of events, especially as it relates to what happened when Kathy stole my bike in March of 2013. The following is more a rant referencing some of the details, some of this is exclusive meaning additional insight never before mentioned before. However, the following is not a complete dissection or analysis of my side of the story as it relates to all related variables and events which is why I'm hesitating to publish this unedited unfinished incomplete rough draft outline. The following will likely be extremely boring for most people. I still have a lot more I want to say about all of this stuff and more. The following is probably full of typos and God knows what. You might even say I shouldn't publish the following. Trolls might even try to take some of the following out of context like they usually do. Some of the following might be inaccurate. But my intention is to be as accurate as possible as usual with these types of autobiographical commentaries that I put out about myself over the years. There are many reasons why I struggle to publish this piece. One of the reasons is because I also want to focus on highlighting the back and forth between me and Kathy as we debated the Kathy Stole My Bike debate over the years starting in 2013. Online, I would sometimes talk about this which is likely a reason why people don't want anything to do with me you might say. I mean, things like this may have burned bridges. In other words, you might want me to stop talking about Kathy Stole My Bike and other things too. You might say it does more harm than good to like complain or whatever. I might sometimes disagree with some of that. I might say things like but it's educational and stuff. The following article is not going to debate about whether or not I should even be publishing this post in the first place. I might save those debates for future posts. I've debated it in the past. But this post is focusing on outlining a few key dates and events relating to Kathy Stole My Bike.
The following is an autism bipolar fragmentation compartmentalization reflection on an alleged meme that I created which I named as Kathy Stole My Bike. The following will mention bits and pieces regarding to the origins of Kathy Stole My Bike. However, it will not fully unpack all of the variables to all of the events relating to the origins or even to the backstory which would take even longer to fully flesh out. The following is more a sneak peak at the origins of Kathy Stole My Bike.
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Kathy Bike
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I didn't believe in myself to a degree in my ability to find enough work in teaching English as I was moving to Vietnam in November of 2012, I didn't really want to risk it all meaning I wanted to play it safe in my attempts at finding out what might work, was trying to throw it all at the wall to see what might stick, I was trying to spin too many plates trying not to keep all my eggs in one basket so to speak. At the time, I wasn't always thinking about my state of being at least partly delusional on top of God knows what.
I mean like don't get me wrong, like my heart was in the right place, I was trying to make a difference in the world, I was trying to go places in life, I was trying to make things happen, I was trying to make things work, but I was at least partly too rough around the edges. Not saying I'm much better now. But I try to be more honest about it as I get older. I try to humble myself more. I meant well. I had good intentions. But I appeared like a fool. I mean, I looked like a fool. Well to be frank, not the file cabinet, I still look like a fool. But I was at least trying which is better than what most people do. But I was still breaking things so to speak. I was still rushing things. I didn't care what people thought. I was lost in the ends justifies the means mentality which is dangerous to dive into. I was a bull thinking everything was red you might say as I ran around like a chicken with no head trying to do too much. I also had like an all or nothing mentality too. I am trying to walk away from that as I get older. So, I probably still have elements of that as well. So, long story short, I had so many problems. Too many to list.
Part of the problem was tunnel vision in trying to speed race to the finish-line of wanting everything to be perfect since I'm totally a perfectionist in a lot of ways despite dumping unfinished content onto the Internet that is generally anything but perfect most of the time say for example which includes even this article to a degree. I wanted to maintain my savings. I didn't want to go into debt. I wanted to make sure I always had at least a thousand bucks saved up at all times while in Vietnam in case I would ever say end up returning to America or anywhere really which ironically turned out to be a good idea because I ended up returning to America in November of 2017 after five years in Vietnam.
Another serious issue was my impatience which tied into this odd lack of faith in myself meaning I wanted to perhaps have my cake and eat it too meaning I generally would try to have it all as I was spinning too many plates juggling too many balls meaning I was always taking on too many projects in life spinning around too many balls and not your balls but my balls trying to get everything done off the walls possibly with your balls too overworking myself like a maniac like the Animaniacs while looking too excessively disorganized and insane by those around me as I failed to explain what was happening most of the time. I was also getting stressed out at times too it seems which is tough to admit but it's there sometimes and you have to be aware of it before it eats you all the way up. It eats you alive. I was too confident or arrogant too which sounds like a contradiction as I was too confident and not confident enough at the same time. In other words, there were times I believed in myself and times I didn't and sometimes it was both at the same time which is quite the paradox. I was becoming more the Brad Pitt character in the Fight Club, I was on that Dexter Morgan dark passenger path into transitioning from Anakin Skywalker into Darth Vader. I was becoming a bipolar extroverted introvert nerd stuck in the autism body of an athlete, my confidence grew into pride and even arrogance over the course of many years. Basically, my entire life, I was walking towards this allegorical cliff of people stealing bikes so to speak whether it was Kathy stealing my bike or me stealing my own bike or whatever, it was indeed me getting myself there in the first place gradually over the course of many years as Rome wasn't built in a day and Oatmeal wasn't built in a microwave baby.
I shouldn't have gone to Vietnam in 2012 in the first place in that I didn't have a real contract signed with schools before going, no guarantees and I wasn't totally prepared to teach despite being capable of getting better at teaching after that through trial and error. Going to Vietnam was both challenging and exciting. In many ways, my adventure in Vietnam forever changed me. So, in other words, I probably shouldn't say I shouldn't have gone to Vietnam. But perhaps I should have waited until I was ready. But I was impatient and I wanted everything right now which is quite the Ironic Mystic thing to say since I made a movie with my guinea pig Ra Ra named I Want It And I Want It Now in 2000 which was a story about Ra Ra who lost his wife Miss Piggy to an alien abduction or freak accident with his son Anakin Skywalker hating religion because of that, Ra Ra was feeling like he wanted things immediately to improve, especially his broken relationship with his teenage son who was being taught evolution in school. Anakin also wanted all his problems to go away instantaneously as well. Ironically, I've been in that boat ship with Roy Merrick. I mean, as I've felt many years behind schedule regarding all the work I try to do and then some as I'm always lost in a bubble of work on top of work on top of even more work like Russian dolls with dolls inside dolls or Inception with Leo being in dreams inside dreams inside dreams.
But back to the Kathy Bike story.
