Meet for A While, then Become Strangers

13 Apr 2023

I’m a person who finds it difficult to open my heart for a long time, because of past experiences that made me careful to be in a relationship. But over time, I mustered up the courage to open my heart again to new people.
But still failed. Not because of lack of effort, but maybe because of circumstances that make feelings fade again. Like meeting for a moment, then returning to strangers.
What I can catch and learn from this case is that sometimes new people come just because they are curious about our lives. At first, they think we are interesting but after a while they get bored or some new people are more attractive.
Although this is my opinion, I don’t know what’s in their heads.
I feel that the universe always has surprises and has a way of bringing us together with people who will teach us a lesson. I’m grateful for that.
I am a person who loves other people in silence. Even though I often break my own heart because it’s hard to express my feelings. Sometimes it looks cold from the outside but inside my heart is happy or smiling, especially when people I admire contact
I want to tell you about the last person I admired, even though I feel like I’m a stranger again in his eyes. But I’m still in awe of him silently. Although maybe my name is no longer on his top contact list.
By accident, I met him through a virtual event, as a stranger in a new place with many people. His strange behavior intrigued me. That’s what makes me smile. I felt that his behavior was different from others. Moreover, he is a mysterious person, doesn’t like to show his face, and only posts random things on social media even though I know he is very smart.
CDI have never judged someone based on appearance, wealth or other things like the criteria in general. But I’m more focused on the little things that are a sweet part of him and that can make me smile and feel comfortable.
After meeting him by accident and even though it was only on a digital screen, I don’t know why and I didn’t think at all that we then followed each other on social media.
I often go live on Instagram when I’m bored or can’t sleep. And several times he joined as an audience which often made me smile secretly because of his comments. Like chips that are currently viral or recommendations for old songs that are still good to listen to.
Then we move to exchange messages by private chat. Initially only because of sound waves that can help to sleep if insomnia then moves to other random things. Even though we chat very rarely and often just comment about cat photos, myself, or questions. But also, I feel that occasionally he gives some kind of code about his feelings for me. But I’m afraid he’s just kidding or just sees me as a friend, that’s why I pretend to be calm.
OMy mistake here is I never contacted him first or asked questions first. Another mistake is that I am also a person who is not quick to reply to messages because I am very careful about what I want to say to people I just met. Except for people I already know. Or I’m so happy because of incoming messages from him that I forget to reply to him. On the other hand, he also often wants to end the chat or just read my long answers and I don’t know what to do other than let the chat end. Actually, I’m a very friendly and warm person if he wants to know me deeper.
We had a chance to call even though the situation didn’t support it because the bad telephone network made communication difficult. I’m also actually very curious about him, really want to question many things, but sometimes feel awkward and end up asking questions that aren’t important.
Then, we met in person for the first time. Suddenly he happened to be stopping by the town where I was. But the situation seems to be no longer supported. I’m having a cold and not feeling well, but I’m trying to be okay and still accept his invitation to meet.
My fault here is that I should have decided on the place where we met because I live in that city but instead I’m confused because I rarely leave the house. And I should have come first so it wouldn’t make me too awkward. But I don’t know why he wanted him to come first and told me not to go before he came. Which made me even late because the distance was quite far and traffic jams made him wait too long.
It was awkward at first. I even ordered a drink first, sat instead of in front of him, and sometimes even felt that my answer didn’t answer his question because sometimes my complete answer was only in my head and it was complicated to explain. Or he wants to joke but I can’t catch the joke. But behind that, it’s fun to exchange opinions about the surrounding situation, whether it’s news that’s currently viral, politics, or random things about humans on earth. Because I’m not feeling well, maybe my face looks lethargic, but I enjoy it every time he expresses his thoughts about something. He is great with his various opinions about anything.
CDI tend to be introverted, sometimes it’s difficult to tell personal things, including how I plan to go forward. So when he asked me about my personal life, I chose to convey it briefly or divert the question.
I wanted to ask him many things, but because my physical condition was not good anymore, I didn’t feel confident to say everything. and then, he became restless by constantly checking his cell phone. Which made me check my phone too because I don't know what to do. And it turns out he had been picked up by his friend. He said goodbye for a while then left me. I really understand this condition even though it cannot be denied that it is quite sad. I just laughed at myself who felt very embarrassed but quite impressed even though it had to be like that in the end. Meeting that became separating as well it seems.

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