Sigh

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6 Oct 2022
3

My mind is humming ceaselessly 
I’m overthinking as I’m writing this because this is no more a safe pace 

I’ve thought I’ve been quite mad these few weeks, just like emotional abuse, overtime mishaps become a normalcy, it’s either you break free or stay stuck. If you’re breaking free you have to be utterly strong. 

Years and years of feeling like I’m not enough cannot be wiped away by simple words and complex gestures. It’s there in every
“your pictures are not pretty enough” 
“If I had known you’d be this jealous”
”thanks for telling me how you feel, but amma go ahead and act the way I want”
”aight amma head out to see this chic, pack your stuff and leave”
”yeah okay I hurt you? Oops I’ll do it in another form”
”you’re sensitive? Pass me a blindfold” 
“your birthday? Naa I’m not trying to impress you”

Normalizing jokes that hurt, then calling it jokes, actually believing they are jokes. 

Then after all that, it seems we are leading parallel lives. 

It’s funny how “your body is a madness” “you look pretty today” “are you hungry” “come here” can’t cancel this. 

Believing I’m here for keeps sake. 

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