Was our meeting accidental?

15 Dec 2022

Not that I asked to be born.
It simply took place.
I wasn't intended, and I nearly got left behind.

Is it my destiny?
or not intended to be?
Was I merely a coincidence?

Though I shouldn't, I can't help but think about these things.

When all I want to do is go to bed, these uncertain ideas keep running through my head.
It's the only location where I'm not regarded like a pest and can take a nap.

I am screaming, but no one can hear me because I am hidden behind a grin and 16 years, where I have lost all of my pride.

destroyed by the words of man,
My heart splits in half with each tear that falls.

I erect my barriers.
I make an effort to maintain my optimism while ignoring my persistent fear.

It seldom lasts for very long.
I made a mistake, and now everything is incorrect.

Although I didn't request to be born, I now have to pay.
You shout and yell, and I always pay attention to what you have to say.
Is asking you to follow suit too much to ask?

You accuse me of crimes I have never committed.
You frequently remark that I'll end up like my mother.

But I won't ever be like her.
She's only a blur; she never appears, she never is.
Is she even concerned?

You erroneously create assumptions.
You're not understanding,

How did I ever treat you?

The surrounding area turns gray.
as the color gradually disappears.
I stand there wearing a rope necklace and I wonder if there will ever be any hope.

However, I always tend to give up at that point.
I persuade myself everything will be fine.
I am aware that I will never have the reputation of always being right.

I wish I could decide, but something prevents me from doing so. I feel bound, marked, and defined.

I see the trees and the birds soaring in the breeze outside.

Why isn't that how life is?
Not that difficult, Somewhere you don't stumble.

I struggle to hold back my emotions while I look for a justification for all these years.

I feel very alone.

But God watched from the throne of heaven and delivered me from those horrible outcomes.

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