No longer a victim

6 Jan 2023

I'll never again have innocence because where there was once love, there is only agony today.
My childhood was stolen from me, along with everything else that was nice.

I still cry some mornings, while on other occasions I snuggle up and wish to pass away.
I lay there screaming, with a knife at my throat and a hand on my behind, but the pain doesn't go away.

If I tell my mum and dad the truth and tell them he's bad, he threatens to murder them.
After he's through, I don't even argue; instead, I sit there crying for the rest of the evening.

Now that my parents have returned through the door, I can stop being his victim.
I have to keep what happened to hidden.

I'm a lifeless shell of a boy, damaged within, and I'm simply his plaything.
I lay on the floor feeling as though I am going to die as my parents leave and he returns for more.

The anguish only continues getting worse, like a bottomless hole, and never gets any better.
He opens the door and exits once more, telling them to be ready for him later.

I keep lying while trying to mask my internal suffering and wonder why I shouldn't have passed away.
But it's becoming more and clearer that I can no longer be his victim.

I take the knife when he comes back and tell him to leave and get out of my life.
My parents come home and see how hurt I am, but I managed to prevent it from happening again.

I tell them the truth about what occurred to me, and they apologize after realizing their error.
However, I am still devastated since I continue to see him and experience sorrow because I am still a victim.

The nights I was raped will never leave me; they are now a part of who I am.
It's been too long; I can't get justice; but it's not my fault; he did something wrong.

I'm hoping that after I recover, I'll finally be able to take him down.
Finally, I'll give up the pretense of youth now that you know and are aware of the truth.

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