Which would you sacrifice: your Phone or Sex? A Modern Dilemma of Connectivity and Intimacy

13 Jun 2024

Every night, my wife and I have a routine. She tucks our daughter in, brushes her teeth, and gets ready for bed. Then we both climb under the covers, give each other a look, and start doing what we always do: play with our gadgets. She's on her phone, and I'm on my iPad. It's like we're in our little world, just us and our devices. It's kind of like we're having a secret love affair but with technology instead of each other.

It turns out, lots of people are choosing their phones over spending quality time with their partners. A survey found that nearly one-third of Americans would rather go without sex for a whole year than go without their phone for that long.

Once we figured out how to stay focused and not get distracted, we realized how tempting it was to constantly check our phones for notifications. Saying we would only answer one more email after dinner often led to us spending 45 minutes on our phones instead of spending quality time together. We got into a bad habit of checking our phones all night until it was way past bedtime. By the time we finally went to sleep, we were too tired to even talk to each other. Our relationship took a hit and so did our sex life.

It turns out, a lot of adults sleep with their phones right next to them. But now, we make sure to put our phones away and focus on each other before we go to sleep. It's made a big difference in our love life.

Embracing techniques to eliminate distractions in love.

When we do things out of habit, it's usually because something triggers us to act a certain way. For example, if you always check your phone before bed, it might be because you're used to having it nearby. But what happens when you try to break that habit?

My family and I decided to move our phones out of our bedrooms and into the living room. At first, it felt like we were in control again without the constant temptation of our devices. But soon enough, I started feeling anxious. I kept wondering if I was missing important messages or updates on social media.

I couldn't resist the urge to check my phone, so I ended up using my laptop instead. It was a temporary fix, but it didn't solve the problem. My wife and I realized that we needed to address the root cause of our habits - the internal triggers that made us reach for our devices in the first place.

We came up with a plan to help us resist the urge to use our devices mindlessly. We decided to wait ten minutes before using any technology in the evening. We also set up timers to turn off our internet at 10 pm every night, making it harder for us to cheat.

It wasn't easy, but by understanding our triggers and finding ways to manage them, we were able to take back control of our habits. It's all about finding strategies that work for you and being kind to yourself along the way.

We figured out how to deal with the stress of cutting back on using technology at night, and as time went on, it got easier to resist.

We set a strict bedtime and decided that our bedroom was a special place where we didn't bring in things like phones and TVs. We used timers to turn off distractions, and soon it became a normal part of our nightly routine. With the extra time we had, we started doing more things that were considered "productive" because we were getting better at controlling our habits.

Even though we were proud of our idea to block technology, there are now routers like the Eero that can automatically shut off the internet. If I try to check my email after ten o'clock, my router sends me a message telling me to stop and spend time with my wife instead.

Distractions can hurt even the closest relationships. While technology lets us connect with people all over the world, it can also keep us from being fully present with the person right next to us.

My wife and I still love our gadgets and believe in the good things technology can bring to our lives. But we want to enjoy those benefits without letting technology harm our relationship. By learning how to handle our triggers, making time for the things we are about, and getting rid of things that distract us, we were finally able to beat the technology distractions in our relationship.

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