I had a conversation with an old time friend today, we attended secondary school together and we were just hello and bye friends back then. I think I couldn’t tolerate his smugness and all round carelessness. And I know for sure he couldn’t tolerate my put together attitude, always studios and getting at the top of my class.
When we spoke today, he said he always admired me because he had a girlfriend then who gisted him about how I was in the hostel. I played a lot in the hostel, when I reached class I attended all the classes with a fixed attention and answered all the questions thrown to me correctly, when the teacher left I read novels. I teased him and said he was a stalker, he just laughed his usual laugh (some things don’t change).
I told him I was able to disassociate my personalities not for want of trying but as a default.
I tried the same thing in the university, I was still coming to terms with the fact that I’m an introvert but it’s much different in the university. I keep to myself whenever my friends aren’t around, and sometimes when they are. I see school as somewhere I can’t play. At a point I felt I couldn’t actually express myself when I’m outside but I got to understand that this is my way of expressing myself when I’m outside.