Finding Happiness While Being Alone

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17 Jan 2024
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"Solitude is dangerous. It's very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It's like you don't want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy." - Jim Carrey

Being alone and being lonely are two very different things. Loneliness denotes a sense of grief and yearning for company or companionship. But being alone simply means having no one around you at a particular moment. And contrary to popular belief, being alone doesn't have to equal loneliness. In fact, for many people, solitude is a deliberate choice that allows time for self-reflection, growth, creativity and discovery of self-knowledge.

The Problem With Modern Society



In the age of constant digital distraction and superficial social media connections, finding true solitude has become increasingly rare. We are losing the art of being alone, and our ability to have meaningful connections is suffering as a result. Our brains are wired to be social creatures, but that doesn't mean we can't learn to enjoy our own company as well.

Unfortunately, most people today dread being alone. Our society implicitly looks down upon people who appear to prefer their own company. Singles get asked "why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Introverts get accused of being anti-social. The message is clear – there must be something wrong with you if you don't constantly seek out social interaction.

This stigma causes many people to repeatedly distract themselves with shallow relationships, digital dopamine hits and inconsequential busyness because the alternative (being alone with their thoughts) brings up too much discomfort and anxiety.

The Joys Of Solitude


However, some of history's greatest thinkers, artists and innovators have extolled the virtues of spending time alone. Their list includes brilliant creators such as Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, Frida Kahlo, J.K Rowling and Steve Wozniak. Each one of them cultivated rich inner lives fueled by solitary activities like writing, painting, wandering in nature, meditating or tinkering with experiments.

The fruits of solitude include self-discovery, mental clarity, inspiration, inner peace, emotional growth, problem solving skills and enhanced creativity. Time spent alone is necessary for gaining a deeper understanding of one's true self by means of reflection. Our inner voice often gets drowned out by daily distractions. But by blocking out the constant chatter and noise, we can hear our own thoughts and connect to our true passions and purpose.

Steps To Enjoy Being Alone


Here are some steps you can take to start enjoying your own company:

1. Overcome FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)


The idea that somewhere, someone might be having more fun than you can cause even the most introverted people to compulsively check texts and social media. This "fear of missing out" sabotages your ability to be comfortable alone by feeding feelings of anxiety and inadequacy.

The first step is recognizing that nobody's life is perfect despite the curated glimpses on social media. Comparing your daily realities to someone else's vacation pics is an exercise in futility. Once you make peace with ignoring the chatter, you free yourself to live in and enjoy the present moment.

2. Set Boundaries Around Digital Distraction


When's the last time you simply spent a few hours away from your devices? Most people today reach for their smartphone first thing in the morning and spend all day attached to a digital drip that prevents self-reflection. Reclaiming your solitude means limiting the hold that devices have over you.

Set particular device-free hours for meals, conversations or solitary pursuits like reading, exercising or simply observing the world around you. Gardening, writing letters, playing instruments and photographing nature are other uniquely rewarding tech-free activities to try.

3. Alter Your Perspective About Solitude


Humans are incredibly adaptable creatures and our experience depends largely on changing our mindset about things. The way we perceive and assign meaning to a situation shapes our actual experience of it far more than the situation itself. So flip the script on being alone.

Rather than seeing it as something to dread or escape from, view your solitude as a special gift that allows self-care, creative replenishment and growth. Use your alone time to have a hot bath, cook a nourishing meal or simply sit under a tree watching the clouds drift by. Even mundane activities feel magical when you honor them with mindful appreciation.

4. Embrace The Sensation Of Boredom


Most people reflexively reach for their phones when they have a few idle minutes because boredom manifests as a mildly unpleasant restlessness. But just allowing yourself sit with that feeling teaches you patience, helps spark creativity and even boosts motivation.

So next time you're "bored", instead of scrolling social media endlessly, take it as a sign to casually observe your surroundings, daydream, consciously relax or brainstorm projects. See where your thoughts wander when freed from digital distraction. You'll likely gain refreshing new insights about yourself or the world around you.

5. Try Solo Travel


One of the most empowering ways to enjoy your own company is venturing out into the world on your own. Traveling solo, at your own pace lets you meet interesting locals, discover hidden gems and flex your problem-solving skills in unfamiliar environments.

You also end up having deeper and unexpected experiences compared to traveling with companions who might inhibit you. For safety, start small with a road trip to a nearby town for a weekend before attempting bolder solo escapades abroad.

6. Find Comfort In Simple Rituals


Rituals are elaborate sequences of symbolic actions performed mainly for their emotional significance. Humans have used rituals and traditions for millennia to add meaning and stability to life. Solitary rituals enhance self-care and underground happiness.

Savoring the first sip of coffee every morning in tune with your breathing, taking a quiet stroll in the park before bedtime or celebrating accomplishments like workouts with a nice candle-lit bath are some simple examples. Experiment to discover which repetitive actions help ground or uplift you.

7. Set Goals And Challenges For Yourself


Solitude and boredom often arise from a lack of meaningful goals, pursuits and challenges that exercise your faculties. Identify exciting skills you wish to cultivate or adventures that get your pulse racing, then go after them.

Sign up for dancing or pottery lessons, map out a cycling tour of your city, challenge yourself to cook exotic new cuisines every week, train for a marathon, write short stories or volunteer more. A genuine passion project that pressures you to grow keeps life interesting.

8. Find Meaning Through Helping Others


Paradoxically, one cure for loneliness is to get out of your head and focus your energy on others. No matter how isolated you feel or crave solitude, we humans are wired for community. Giving back through service provides a profound sense of purpose by being part of something bigger.

Cook weekly meals for the homeless shelter or elderly in your neighborhood, offer free music lessons, volunteer to walk shelter dogs, help build houses with Habitat for Humanity, use your skills to aid local schools, libraries, non-profits etc. Nurturing communities fosters lasting bonds.

9. Learn To Savour The Joy Of Small Moments


In our quest for happiness, we often overlook the simple pleasures that each day brings. The human mind habitually gets trapped in obsessing over future plans or past regrets while dismissing the beauty right in front of our eyes. Practice mindfulness – consciously bringing your attention to your experiences unfolding in the present.

Instead of rushing through your daily walk agonizing over that meeting, admire how the sunlight filters through the trees. Feel the crisp air enter your lungs. Listen to birds chirping nearby. Magic lurks in mundane moments when we pay attention. Soon you realize each moment is a gift when savored.

10. Foster An Attitude Of Gratitude


Focusing on abundance rather than scarcity is key to lasting happiness. When you lack external validation, turning inward and counting your blessings lifts your spirits. Being alone provides extra opportunities for practicing gratitude.

Keep a journal where you record a few things you're grateful for each day – whether it's cherished memories or simple joys like your cozy bed. Feel these blessings vividly by envisioning them in your mind's eye. This simple 5 minute daily habit keeps your subconscious mind primed to spot silver linings and blessings instead of just problems. Soon your perception of reality transforms.

In Closing


“The strength of the soul is in its independence. It is able to live alone. It calls no longer craving companionship. ...I find it wholesome to turn away from the society of our fellow men, not in misanthropy, but to come nearer to ourselves.”

These lines weren't written by a modern psychologist or monk, but famously penned by Greek Philosopher Aristotle over 2000 years ago. The ancients, free of constant digital distraction, understood profoundly that occasional solitude is necessary to lead a thoughtful, balanced life.

So if the idea of spending time alone leaves you slightly empty and anxious, use the steps above to gradually condition your mindset and lifestyle. Eventually your nervous system adapts – allowing you to extract nourishment and bliss from your solo pursuits.

The goal isn't to abandon relationships or live like a hermit. It's to cultivate the power of finding.

If you enjoyed this article, please read my previous articles


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