Unenjoyable Joy

The canaries sing songs of never ending joy
Songs that bring tears to my eyes
Tears that carry away all my sadness
Leaving me lighter than a quail's feather
Happier than a child who's found a jar of sweet
More thankful than a leaping frog that just escaped a snakes gulp
I sink into the warm waters of peace, long wanted peace
And right here, right now, I want nothing more
I have been at the pointy end of oppression
My eyes have seen the back of my ears
My skin has felt the lashes of fates scurry whip
I have cried tears of pain and sorrow and anguish
So I know how fortunate I am to be here now
To be safe, to have my belly full, to have my heart weightless
I have had nothing, now I have reasons to be thankful
It's not all I want but it is my joy, my happiness
You can hear it in my words
You can see it in my eyes, on my skin
You can feel it from the aura surrounding me
In the spirit of my new found will
...while I am joyful of this new found bliss
The fear of losing it
Of falling back into the hands of my oppressors
Of becoming prey again
I am in constant terror of losing what I have found
That phobia does not let me bask in the fullness of my joy
So here I am, singing my words in hope
Counting my blessings, measuring how far I've come
How far I am from where I was
And how big I am now that I can no longer be prey
Perhaps if I say it to myself enough, perhaps I will believe it.




Reference
bulbappio article: Unenjoyable Joy by Yhudee https://www.bulbapp.io./p/1247c006-998b-4909-acfd-181cbb640ceb/unenjoyable-joy