Confessions Of A Chronic Oversleeper

15 May 2023

MORNINGS!!! The glorious time of day when the birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and everyone around you seems to have mastered the art of waking up effortlessly. But for us, the chronic oversleepers, mornings are moConfessions Of A Chronic Oversleeperre like a battleground. We are the human alarm clocks who hit the snooze button so many times that it could be considered an Olympic sport. So, grab your coffee, hold onto your sleep-deprived sanity, and join me on this laughable journey through the perils of being a master of snoozing!

1. The Wake-Up Call Shuffle:
Picture this: your alarm starts blaring, shaking you awake from the depths of dreamland. But instead of immediately springing out of bed like a well-trained circus performer, you engage in a strange dance known as the Wake-Up Call Shuffle. It involves reaching blindly for the snooze button while trying not to knock over the water glass, elbowing your partner accidentally, and, in extreme cases, performing a gravity-defying acrobatic maneuver to avoid falling off the bed. It's a ballet of clumsiness that deserves a standing ovation, or at least a few sympathy laughs.

2. The Art of Negotiation:
As a chronic oversleeper, you're no stranger to the delicate art of negotiation. Every morning, you engage in a mental tug-of-war with yourself, bargaining for a few more precious minutes of shut-eye. You promise to skip breakfast, wear mismatched socks, or even skip brushing your teeth (gross, but desperate times call for desperate measures). And just when you think you've struck a deal with the Sandman, reality rudely interrupts with the realization that you're already 30 minutes late for work.

3. The Deceptive Power of Snooze:
Ah, the snooze button, the ultimate temptress in our morning routine. With its siren-like allure, it promises a few minutes of blissful slumber but delivers an emotional rollercoaster ride. Those seemingly innocent extra minutes quickly turn into an abyss of confusion and panic when you wake up to realize that you've hit the snooze button for the tenth time. Your heart races, your hair stands on end, and you scramble to get ready in record-breaking time, transforming into a disheveled superhero who's always fashionably late.

4. Alarm Clock Hacks Gone Wrong:
In our quest for conquering the oversleeping curse, we've tried every alarm clock hack known to humankind. We've placed the alarm across the room, hoping to force ourselves out of bed. But instead, we've become experts in the art of leaping across the room to hit the snooze button without fully waking up. We've tried setting multiple alarms, each with a different ringtone, only to wake up to the cacophony of a techno concert gone wrong. And let's not forget the good old trick of drinking a glass of water before bed to wake up feeling refreshed. Spoiler alert: it only leads to midnight bathroom escapades.

Being a human alarm clock and a chronic oversleeper is a daily battle, but it's one we tackle with a sense of humor. Through the wake-up call shuffle, the art of negotiation, the deceptive power of snooze, and our failed alarm clock hacks, we navigate the mornings with resilience and laughter. So, fellow oversleepers, take solace in the fact that you're not alone in this hilarious struggle. Embrace your unique talent for snoozing, and remember that even though mornings may be a perpetual comedy show, life is too short to take it too seriously. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go set about ten alarms to ensure I don't oversleep tomorrow morning. It's a foolproof plan, right? Well, probably not, but a chronic oversleeper can dream, can't they?

In the end, let's not forget that there's a bright side to our bleary-eyed existence. We possess an unparalleled ability to appreciate the beauty of a cozy bed, the allure of sleep, and the art of procrastinating morning responsibilities until the last possible second. We're like nocturnal superheroes, fighting the evil forces of early mornings and alarm clocks with our trusty sidekick, the snooze button.

So, to all my fellow human alarm clocks out there, keep embracing your unique talent for oversleeping. Remember, life is too short to worry about the morning rush or to stress over being fashionably late. Besides, who needs punctuality when you have a fantastic story to tell about that one time you accidentally put your shirt on backward in a frantic rush?

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south coast surfer
Great read. Life is so busy - I’d love to be an over sleeper sometimes, sadly not the case
Love it. Made me laugh especially the strategic placement of the alarm clock on the other side of the room. 😂
Relatable 😂 I literally woke up 30 mins late to work today! Great article bro 👌
Funny, you must be one heck of deep sleeper
Jacqueline Paz
Love this post 😅