Pathological personality traits: dependents, needy or necessary?

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Dependents are people who have an excessive need to be cared for by others, who fear abandonment and loneliness, and who feel unable to make decisions for themselves. They often cling to unsatisfying relationships, submit to the wishes of others, and have low self-esteem. They can suffer a lot from their emotional dependence, and can cause problems for their partners, families and friends.

But what is behind this way of being? What factors influence the development of dependent personality? What benefits and risks does it have for dependents and those around them? What can be done to help dependents become more autonomous and happy? There is no single answer to this question, since dependent personality is the result of a combination of biological, psychological and social factors. Some of these factors are:

• Genetics: Some studies have found that dependent personality has a hereditary basis, and that there is a greater probability of suffering from it if you have a close relative with the same disorder or another personality disorder.

• Childhood: The way emotional ties are established in childhood has a great impact on the dependent personality. Dependents usually have had overprotective parents, who have prevented them from developing their autonomy and self-confidence, or negligent parents, who have made them feel insecure and abandoned.

• Culture: The dependent personality is also influenced by the cultural context in which one lives. Some cultures value independence and individuality more, while others encourage interdependence and collectivity more. Dependents may feel more comfortable in cultures that support dependency, but they may also have more difficulty adapting to changes and social demands.

What advantages and disadvantages does dependent personality have? Dependent personality is not only a problem, but also a form of adaptation. Dependents may have some positive qualities, such as loyalty, generosity, sensitivity, and the ability to empathize with others. They can be good friends, good colleagues and good collaborators, as long as they do not feel threatened or rejected.

However, the dependent personality also has many drawbacks, both for the dependent and for those around them. Some of these drawbacks are:

• Anxiety: Dependents live with a constant fear of losing the support and affection of others, which generates great anxiety. They may have panic attacks, phobias, depression and other anxiety disorders.

• Submission: Dependents let themselves be carried away by what others want or expect from them, without taking into account their own desires or needs. They can tolerate situations of abuse, mistreatment or exploitation, as long as they are not left alone or face conflicts.

• Frustration: Dependents do not feel fulfilled or satisfied with their lives, since they depend on the approval and validation of others. They may give up on their projects, their dreams and their goals, for fear of failing or disappointing others.

However, the dependent personality is not a condemnation, but a challenge. Dependents can change and improve their way of being, if they put their mind to it and have the appropriate support. Some of the things that can be done to overcome dependent personality are:

• Seek professional help: Psychological therapy is a fundamental tool to treat dependent personality. The therapist can help the dependent identify and modify his or her irrational beliefs, develop self-esteem and self-confidence, learn to manage his or her emotions, and establish healthier and more balanced relationships.

• Expand the social circle: Dependents tend to focus all their attention and energy on one or a few people, which makes them depend too much on them and isolate themselves from the rest. Dependents can benefit from expanding their support network, meeting new people, participating in activities of interest, and cultivating their hobbies and passions.

• Making their own decisions: Dependents often delegate their decisions to others, which prevents them from assuming their responsibility and freedom. Dependents can begin to make decisions for themselves, even small and simple ones, and face the consequences of their choices. This will help them gain confidence and feel more capable and independent.

Dependents are people who need a lot from others, but who also have a lot to offer. They can overcome their emotional dependence, if they put their mind to it and have the appropriate support, and be more autonomous and happy, if they know and love themselves.